i had to give up alot of bad friendships this year. won't mention the names, but i just couldn't keep putting energy into thankless voids in human bodies. this is the first year i'v been honestly and conciously happy more than i have been depressed and confused in years. New friendships with people i have more in common with have bloomed and taken the place of the dead, as is apropriate every spring. My room is a reflection of me, it has been clean for a week now--for a year i left it in shambles because i could not face myself or my meterial reflection. I'm starting to explore my abilities with energies more, winter makes it hard to work, and i have seen three spirits this week. a vast improvment seeing i was blind a month ago. i'v just stopped caring about school, and many of the people there--i'm just trying to create my own environment for myself, i'm tired of the pre-made ones.
my great grandma is dying. she is 92 and a half.(oh yeah, sam, our grandma is dying...) 8 others whom were in my family or close family friends have died since christmas. its been hard to motivate myself when i know someone else is going to die within the next few weeks. Death visits in Three's. Hopefully my G.G's will b the last. i'm so tired of death, i just want to breathe and feel the sun on my face.
i'm moving out in October/November. I don't know if that will help my mother and i or not, but either way, i feel it is time to leave. the chips will fall where they may.
Right now, I'm just letting the energies flow around my body, feeling the entire universe in my palm, and knowing that i have a greater purpose. electricity pulses through my viens with every breathe of air, and i am home. i'm just flying through the stars, smiling at what will be. Time without End.